Tuesday, August 31, 2004
At the Mossman Lock Collection
Tower of Light
On either side of the tunnel entrance rose Art Deco towers like stylised radio masts, surmounted by powerful searchlights...
...They reminded me of Flash Gordon-era ray-guns. A spiral staircase ran up their core.
Room 315
We walked through to the main reading room of the New York Public Library. Under luminescent trompe-l’oeil ceiling paintings of open skies, ranks upon ranks of readers sat in hushed concentration at oak tables
40°45'11.59"N, 73°58'54.06"W
Image Of Fire
... He pointed left to right. “The elements. Earth. Water. Fire, which is what she holds in her hand. Then Air. Then Ether.”
Hermes at Grand Central Terminal
"We’ll see the same thing at Grand Central. Hermes everywhere, and sculpted wheels set with his wings," Horace said. "It’s about speed, you see. The fleet-footed messenger. But what message does he bear?"
Monday, August 30, 2004
What The Fifth Cache Said To Me
College Grounds
Along Love Lane
The Water Door
“What is this?”
The Second Obelisk
... “You were a busy man,” I whispered to myself. “They must really love you in Mexico.”
The Star of Eternal Light
The Stepping Stones
Atop the RCA Building
My Place of Work
We met in a conference room near the top of 570 Lex, several floors away from the sensitive eyes and ears of the newsroom, at nine o’clock sharp...
What The Fourth Cache Said To Me
I am being torn apart, yet I am growing more alive.
I am beginning to hear and see things I would never have believed were possible.
Since these events began, I have lost my job, and been humiliatingly expelled from among my people. Tomorrow I will reckon with them.
I have been attacked and beaten, and left vomiting in the subway.
I have been almost drowned.
I have been almost blown apart in a gas explosion.
I have had the breath crushed out of my lungs.
I have willingly broken my marriage vows, and lost the ring that symbolizes them. I have insulted my wife.
I have experienced a new autonomy, a new self-respect, then hurt my most beloved one in order to retain it. I have indulged my anger and desire for revenge, and I have dressed it up as honesty.
Yet in facing death, in the play of lust in my flesh, I have found strength I never knew I had. I have turned basic urges – kill it, fuck it -- into spiritual weapons, those of earth and water.
In rejecting blackmail, in asserting my utter freedom, I have added the power of fire to those weapons.
In diving into the crowd to rescue that boy, when self-preservation would have had me stay sheltering and cowering where I was, I have, I believe, added the power of air. It is what I used, without knowing how, to calm the crowd.
I am growing stronger as I advance along the Path, though all this strength is only lent to me, is not my own, is not for my vanity or advancement.
It is for Adam, to help him to resist the corrosion of the parasites within him.
It is for Katherine, to help her on the lonely road I have driven her to. If her being with Adam will help him survive these ordeals, then so be it. But I will have her back.
It is for Terri, to help her overcome the hidden new fear I see in her.
It is for Horace, to guide and instruct me as he may need.
Other people are not hell. They are salvation.
There is a shape in my mind that defies words, just as the peregrination I have been on across Manhattan – the shape I have drawn on the city, the experiences at each waypoint – are drawing a shape in my soul.
I am seeing connections where none were apparent, lines and images of new harmonies.. The capacity to speak the language of the birds is awakening within me.
All this, to defeat those who have caused these ordeals to come to us.
I pray for my enemy, since praying for my friends is no virtue.
I forgive myself, for everything I have done has been necessary. I ask the forgiveness of others.
I am ready. I am alive. I will fight.
Sunday, August 29, 2004
At The Tick Tock, Again
Bricks of Light
Burning Snake
Time Flies, Again
Look Down at your Feet
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Defiance
Chess Table at Washington Square Park
“Tables for chess and checkers only. No loitering,” a sign said. “Two hour limit per table. Free for public use. No gambling or fees.”
The Hangmen's Elm
Triangle Fire
40°43'47.32"N, 73°59'43.34"W
The Bell of Doom
The bolts meant something to me too. Indefinable images rushed at me. I placed my hands on the bell, closing my eyes, hearing again the chanting in my dream. Fat Mary Fat Mary Fat Mary …
Emmet's Vault
The Hare Krishna Tree
Chess Table at Tompkins Square Park
“Don’t turn round, Robert,” a man’s voice said. “It’s time for us to talk.”
“Adam?”
“Just don’t turn round.”
“What the hell?”
Red Square
Friday, August 27, 2004
What The Second Cache Said To me
Terri at Mercer
Vesica Piscis
The Malice Box
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Ground Zero, lower Manhattan
There was beauty still: the arches persisted, they were not all thrown down, something defiant remained in their shattered suggestion of a cathedral entrance, of praying hands, of a portal that said: through these arches lies a womb, beyond this defilement there is rebirth, even here there will be love.But the overriding pulse in that place was of such anger and hatred that I could not look at it for more than a second or two, I had to walk away, east, toward the Seaport. It will never leave my mind's eye.We have been locked in a labyrinth since that day. How do we react, how does anyone react, to an act of such wickedness and still remain ourselves? You cannot be good unless you survive. But there is a monster within us who out of sheer fear says: do anything, hurt anyone, I don't care: to anyone beyond the bounds of my tribe, anything may be done.
Today I thought I would die. I was so scared that for a moment I wanted anything, anything at all to happen to prevent it. Then suddenly I wasn’t afraid. We were right underneath Ground Zero. I stared into the face of death, and I fought for my life. I saw something in myself I had not seen before, and I came out on the other side. It was the ability, the desire, to kill.
It was dangerous, inchoate, raw energy that poured through me. Blood energy. I know now, with complete confidence, that I can draw on it again, whenever I need it.
Many years ago, someone within my family wrote to me with seven lines of wisdom. The first line was this: To live well, know death.
I think I understand: these were the first energies I had to tap into on the quest I have embarked upon. Raw, powerful, potentially murderous. If I can’t yoke them, I won’t have the strength to survive. But how to harness them?
At Ground Zero the towers fell and St. Paul’s was left intact, not a window broken. A friend of mine, a masseuse, volunteered there for weeks, working on cops and firemen and construction workers, offering real physical compassion as others put together the Chapel's ministry of meals and water, a place to sleep, a place to find some solace for the heart. Yet this was all for "our" people, for those like us who had suffered, those with whom we identified. For "identity" comes from "idem", the same. It is easy to pray for our friends. How many of us can truly pray for our enemies, for those who actively seek our death?